As adults we have to work harder to play.
These days we can’t look up ways of incorporating adult play without seeing references to sex and sexual play. All important in their own right, but let’s face it, we’re not always in the mood. But that doesn’t mean we are not in the mood for fun, flow, excitement, exhilaration, creativity, curiosity and connection.
For children, this is their world. As adults, we lose this world. Somewhere back in space and time between grade school and the beginning of corporate life we replaced flow with schedules, fun with obligation, creativity with spreadsheets and excitement with sleep.
Again, all important in their own right, however, this can be the recipe for feeling unfulfilled, empty or feeling a desire for something more. This is the breeding ground for addiction. Whether it be shopping, sex, drugs, overworking or social media, addiction comes at a cost. The cost is the further hardwiring of more comfort zones and the constant search for fulfillment, that something more.
How can we be with all of these natural and important human qualities and still be fulfilled?
This is the level of potential energy we want to work with when we want to create new habits, behaviors and ultimately a new sensory experiences.
So let’s begin with Play.
Play in the nontraditional sense is creating the space and room for error without self-judgement. So let us go back to a time as a child when we felt free to be ourselves. Where were you? Imagine the details. Can you replicate that experience? It’s not about escaping; instead, it’s about existing in a place of aliveness that still feels safe and where there is no right or wrong. Again, there is no need for picking and choosing, only feeling.
So what about replicating an adult version of play? Anything that can bring you closer to your body can be a form of play because it’s an act of practicing presence, letting go, and just being with an experience. Some simple and minimally physically demanding examples of play include: blowing bubbles, flying a kite, singing in the shower, speaking to your plants and pets. We might think of these things as not having an impact, but they directly impact our ability to be present. These practices provide moments of safety, where there is no right or wrong.
What are some other ways we can incorporate play?
1. Begin with Joy.
This might take some self-exploration. Ask yourself questions like what are some experiences, sounds, moments, activities that have given me a sense of joy and excitement. Recall these experiences and take yourself there allow yourself to relive them. Where does it feel in your body. Use some of these example nouns to explain the feeling:
gentle
Calm
Warm
Tingly
Light
Airy
When you identify moments, you can then identify the elements that create these experiences. Is it a person, a place a thing or idea that brings you there? The elements create the formula to the desired experience, so recreate that.
Essential oils, incense, candles, music and breath-work have historically been the foundation to establishing connection. History of incense is synonymous with ritualism and spirituality with its use dating as back as 3300 BC. Breath work has roots in Eastern practices like yoga, Tai Chi, and Buddhism, developing and evolving to the various practices we see now. Traditionally, people have sought spiritual awakening, self-healing, and meditative relaxation through breathing techniques, among many other practices.
The common thread here in these examples is use of the senses; our bodies, the direct pathway to present moment experience.
A spiritual practice isn’t required. What’s required is establishing connection with yourself and your body is the direct tangible form you have to work with.
Create or listen to music. Dance by yourself or within a social setting. Sing in the shower or in a group setting. Go to a museum or create your own art form, even if it's using popsicle sticks and glue. The most important piece is to all of this is that it doesn’t have to be good or perfect.
4. Be gentle with yourself.
Self-Judgement consists of thoughts about the self and often times there’s a meaning attached to them, which are often times negative. According to positive psychology, this is considered the negativity bias, which is the tendency to learn from negative information far more than positive information. This is thought to be an adaptive evolutionary function to attend to potentially harmful environmental stimuli. We are still operating off of this. In an industrialized world, we don’t have to protect ourselves from predators or environmental conditions the way our ancestors once did. But, we still are. We are constantly seeking out signals for danger and we do this the best we know how, by creating meaning of our world and thoughts. Often times we can produce feelings of anger, regret, shame all by a single thought. These thoughts then become a habit. We can counteract this habitual behavior through acts of kindness with ourselves.
As adults, we are hardwired. The majority of our existence runs in patterns, shapes and recognitions without much thought. This is an evolutionary advantage at its finest. But how can this be an evolutionary drawback? We forget how to live spontaneously, because it’s just too uncomfortable. We are afraid of what we don’t know. This is again the double-edged sword of being an evolving human.
The solution is not freaking our nervous systems out by jumping off onto the deep ends, although there may be times when we feel that this is the only solution. Often times, we can gradually rewire our brains and bodies into a new way through a process called Neuroplasticity.
Without going into the neuroscience of this phenomenon, one thing we know is that our brains are malleable and meant to change. This is the essence of neuroplasticity. The brain has an incredible ability to reorganize itself in response to multiple sensory experiences.
Age, genetics, psychological state, and other factors all have a way of determining the quality of neuroplastic changes. Nonetheless, there will always be potential for change.
